


We Will Adore Our Children

by blu3mila



Category: Bleach
Genre: Implied/Referenced Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:19:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27740638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blu3mila/pseuds/blu3mila
Summary: Act 3, scene 2. A conversation between Ichigo and an alternative Grimmjow. This is a character study, not a romance.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 9





	We Will Adore Our Children

**A Tragedy in Three Acts**

CHARACTERS

GRIMM, (17) a human teenager, transgender and directionless. Long blue hair with roots showing.

ICHIGO KUROSAKI, (25) the main protagonist of the manga and anime series Bleach, an overpowered young adult.

GRIMMJOW JAEGERJAQUES, (25) formerly the Sexta Espada and a major antagonist from the manga and anime series Bleach, currently Ichigo’s romantic partner of four years.

STELLA, (13) a human teenager living with Grimm, Brador and Kuba.

BRADOR, (17) a human teenager living with Grimm, Stella and Kuba. Elder brother and guardian of Kuba (3).

FLICKER, (34) a seemingly human doctoral student with critically useful connections.

SETTING

Bleach, post-canon. The play starts with a sudden change of context: Ichigo appears in an alternative world much like Earth where he spends a month. The play follows that month.

LIST OF ACTS

Act 1

Scene 1: A sudden trick in the middle of a fight! Coming to senses in a different world.

Scene 2: Wandering unfamiliar streets and finding a hollow. Meeting Grimm — a teen that sees spirits, escaping from the hollow together.

Scene 3: Finding safety in Grimm's flat. No one else present. Finally, Ichigo's understanding of the situation.

Act 2

Scene 1: A week later. Ichigo wandering the same streets but with purpose: looking for spiritually aware people. Reflection on a week in a foreign world.

Scene 2: A week later. Grimm spending time in the flat that now has all of its inhabitants present. Brador speaks about his plans for the near future, Stella shares her own. Grimm is looking out of the window. The scene ends with him seeing Ichigo outside, waving.

Scene 3: Scene 2 from a different perspective: Ichigo meets a person that can help (knows someone who knows someone else). A brush with the spiritual elements of the world. The scene ends with Ichigo rushing to tell Grimm.

Act 3

Scene 1: A week later. The plan to send Ichigo home is being finalized. Ichigo comes to Grimm’s flat while the others are present. No one sees him besides Grimm and little Kuba who waves enthusiastically. Grimm goes out.

Scene 2: Several days later. A conversation with Grimm on the roof of an abandoned building.

Scene 3: Meeting with Flicker, sending Ichigo home. People leave the stage one by one until only Grimm is left.

* * *

ACT 3, SCENE 2

  
  


_Agile even as a bony human, Grimm climbs the wall of an abandoned house. Concrete walls and protruding steel spikes are all good enough to act as a ladder; they paint the story of his childhood._

_Ichigo follows him, but does so in his otherworldly manner (floating on air). All stoic, not a hint at how shit he himself is at climbing. They reach the roof._

GRIMM: This is the spot. Used to come here a lot.

_Ichigo hums as he takes in the view. Around them are semi-derelict houses and an abandoned construction site. They are far enough from the busy streets of the city center._

GRIMM: I don’t come here much anymore. Some guys started hanging around here and just fuck that competition. But it’s okay now.

ICHIGO: Because I can take them out? _Said with a raised eyebrow._

GRIMM: They won’t even know what hit them! _Grinning._

_Grinning, not baring teeth. Something so unexpected that even within the three weeks of knowing the teen it takes Ichigo by surprise._

ICHIGO: I'm meeting Flicker tomorrow. We still have to figure some details out, but it’ll be less than a week to send me home. He says.

GRIMM: Are you… Yeah.

_A bit of silence. Ichigo doesn’t look at Grimm, doesn’t know how to help._

_Grimm is young and struggling. He ran away from home, currently lives with four other kids in a rented apartment. Those four people are the only ones who entertain the idea of gendering him correctly, and that is his life when Ichigo appears._ _What a wonder that is! Ichigo knows so much, treats him well, and with it brings a whole new world: a world where it is possible to be what you want to be._

ICHIGO: What are you going to do?

GRIMM: I'll probably... I don’t know. Brador's still dead set on leaving next month, he’s only waiting for his legal age to kick in at this point. Get the papers and fuck off with Kuba in tow. _Huffing._

ICHIGO: Would you want to go with him?

GRIMM: He won't even tell us where he goes! Plus he’s got his own shit to figure… You know. Family business. “Better we don’t know”.

_There’s obvious frustration behind the mocking tone. Maybe Grimm would want to go with Brador._

_Some more silence._

ICHIGO: How does Stella deal? _Gently urging to let it out._

GRIMM: Well, she is definitely fine. Lu’s arranging a new spot for them both to move to and… I mean it’s great, yeah, they are really hopeful about finally being able to help Stella out, give her a better setting for growing. It’s cool. She’s happy too. A bit guilty, but she’ll get over it, Brador will too. 

_And behind frustration there is pain mixed with anger. It’s convenient to feel sad and guilty for leaving someone behind, but isn’t there a bright future ahead? Why not focus on that instead, right?_

GRIMM: They’re all leaving. I don’t fucking know.

 _A pause._

ICHIGO: What would… What would be.

 _Biting his lips, a nervous habit._

ICHIGO: What would you focus on? 

_Bluntly, what will you do with your life?_

GRIMM: Whatever really. It’s… It’s survivable. 

ICHIGO: You don’t sound so sure… I mean, survival is one, but what’s the point when you are aimless? You—

GRIMM: You're saying I should stop then? The only thing left to me is this fucking being. 

ICHIGO: I'm not saying that, I'm—

GRIMM: And what do you mean by a point? I don’t have the luxury of choice!

_Eye contact. Tremor._

ICHIGO: It doesn't have to be a punishment. The way you speak, it's...

GRIMM: And is it not?

ICHIGO: It's... It's not the end goal. It changes, it will change, but the mindset of staying alive out of— That you deserve only the pain... It won't last, You won't—

GRIMM: Kurosaki, I don't have anything! I don't have anyone!

_An outburst. He switches between anger and more anger: inwards-outwards._

GRIMM: I pawned grandma’s gold to get out of that fucking city and now I have literally nothing to my name! The people I live with are fleeing! You are fleeing!

ICHIGO: I’m going home!

GRIMM: What does it fucking matter?! You’re going away!

_And that’s the heart of it, really._

GRIMM: The first damn person to not laugh in my face for my claims and you’re leaving. What was the point to it all? 

ICHIGO: There was never a point! We just crossed paths and I happened to not be an asshole! Am I supposed to apologize?

ICHIGO: Fuck off. You know, fuck off if you think I wouldn’t recognize your situation.

_Grimm looks at Ichigo then swiftly turns away. Clenches and unclenches his fists. Ichigo is trans here, and he thinks that, damn, fuck off indeed; this is messed up._

_Both are frankly pissed. Grimm pushes a stone off the roof, huffs some more and sits down. Out of the corner of his eye Ichigo once again notices that—_

ICHIGO: You look like a porcupine. Like, when you brood. You have all these spikes on your—

GRIMM: Shut your damn mouth.

_Grimm doesn’t look at Ichigo, but his lower lip trembles more with each second. Still, no sound.  
_

_Ichigo doesn't really know what to do. What to say to make it feel less like shit it actually is?_

ICHIGO: Let’s talk to Flicker tomorrow. He can arrange travel easily on this plane, so he could technically get you out of the country. You’re already fluent in Spanish and English, so a portion of the world is available. That is a start of sorts.

_Ichigo figured this from observing his Grimmjow, the tricks to breaking down emotions. A joke to deal with the tension, a solid thought to prove mutual seriousness. That is a start of sorts as well._

GRIMM: I just… You have to see how it is nothing… How nothing works in my favor here. How I have to fight so much harder to get to some semblance of above water.

_A deeper sigh, shuddering. There are tear tracks on Grimm's face, but neither acknowledge them._

GRIMM: Wish I at least got paid for this shit.

_A joke. Grimm seems to also be aware, at least instinctively, of the order needed to diffuse emotional clusters._

ICHIGO: You know… Not sure if this helps, but you’re handling it quite well. Hear me out.

_Sigh._

ICHIGO: I come from a different situation, but I’ve dealt with... Anger. With multitudes. _Sitting down, looking straight ahead._

ICHIGO: I didn’t… For a long time I was certain nothing was out of the ordinary. I had no reason to doubt — I’ve been with myself my entire life, so I just accepted these as stubborn thoughts, but ultimately mine. They varied, varied from laughing at my personal pain to wishing harm on others, and it wasn’t hard to see them as not right and something to fight. You know, because they are bad and I am not bad.

_Looking at Grimm._

ICHIGO: There are spiritual aspects involved that work as some sort of explanation for me being like this, but that’s… I didn't know of this then and I haven’t told anyone about the thoughts or the— I diligently denied them, answered with a "no" to anything he had to say. The situation changed with a different understanding, it came at some later point, that these… And doesn’t that sound like an excuse? That’s what he tells me.

_A laugh._

ICHIGO: No, but. Yeah, what I want you to hear is that despite me disagreeing with the urges and denying them, they wouldn’t move. I had to put my foot down then, somewhere — if these things are here and I disagree with them, then they aren’t me. And it worked, but it took even more work to see that even so, they weren’t wrong.

ICHIGO: He might be destructive and violent, but he didn’t come without a reason, without a need, and his becoming is… The most logical thing, really. And the way to make peace with him and with myself was to admit that. Admit that he is right. Admit that I might not want the same thing, but that doesn’t mean he’s wrong: we both are right, and we need both of our truths to live. That is how survival works.

GRIMM: That’s… A lot.

ICHIGO: Hah, sorry.

GRIMM: No, it’s okay… It’s just so much and… I’m glad you’re here, I’m glad you made it. How does that…

_Tie into our conversation? Because of course it is awkward to ask for more, always feels like a step too far. But Ichigo has an open look on his face and Grimm wouldn’t be Grimm if he didn’t force through his own discomfort._

GRIMM: Actually, how does that work? For you… What do you mean by these… By both being right?

_And how are you both, really? Is tactfully left unsaid._

ICHIGO: It’s… Well. I think you can relate to it somewhat, that’s why I brought it up. It’s… _Rubbing his face and trying to come up with an edible explanation._

ICHIGO: OK, let’s say we have a person who is… Going through things. Who is experiencing harmful things from the outside and cannot escape the situation.

_Sound familiar?_

ICHIGO: It’s bad, it’s harmful, but it is the way things are for them right now. And I… It’s a little strange to think of it from a moral standpoint, to think about how unless there is an abrupt and unavoidable end to things, the body keeps pushing. It’s kind of cruel, kind of functional, kind of both-of-these-terms-are-human-made, but let’s… I’ll keep it short.

ICHIGO: The situation is bad, it lasts and the person doesn’t die, so the body adapts. The person learns to take minimal damage either by blocking out the stressors, avoiding, submitting— _I hope I won’t trigger him, Ichigo thinks._

_A quick glance at Grimm’s cringing, but ultimately attentive expression. The conversation seems to distract him somehow._

ICHIGO: So the person adapts and then, say, their environment changes. Maybe allows to somehow… Reflect on what’s been happening around. What this person might find then is the anger, the pain and the fear that got pushed down in favor of dealing with immediate danger. All these feelings are still there and they need to be addressed. So it’s… The person might have their own beliefs about how they want to live, but everything else still there has... Its own beliefs. 

_Ugh._

ICHIGO: I had a point with this… This. I told you that you were doing quite good and I meant it. Maybe it’s difficult to see from your perspective, but to me the fact that you are angry is proof that it’s getting better. Because it’s anger and it’s aimed outwards a lot; you don’t want to give up out of principle and you can argue your point. You don’t take my word for everything and you doubt me, see, it’s… Anger is a way of defense, and it’s… Call me biased but I think it’s better to hate others than to give in and die.

GRIMM: There goes your pacifism. Could’ve fooled me.

_Side-glance at Grimm with a rather weak smile._

GRIMM: Thank you for telling me. All that. I… I don't know if I feel it that way, I mean… That really is… You know, I don't think I've thought of anything like that before. So thank you. 

_There still is something painfully familiar in this._

GRIMM: You know what’s fucked up? In addition to everything. 

_Ichigo hums._

GRIMM: You're right, I don’t really hate myself that much, but… It's not simple. 

ICHIGO: It isn't. _Multitudes._

GRIMM: It's like… I don't hate, but… There's no big love either, it's… It is all difficult. 

_And even if you love yourself, a different part can dislike you, itself or someone else._

GRIMM: But I know that I hate them. I know it. At some point I felt guilty about that, but. _A frustrated hand gesture. There was no room for that feeling_. 

GRIMM: I don't anymore, I can't afford it, and the more I think the more it feels like murder. What they did and how they stayed with me even after I got away. 

_A pause. Grimm doesn't know where to rest his gaze. Trying to let out the word._

GRIMM: You know, I nearly hit Stella at one point. I didn’t— She just. She was saying something and I was angry and she was so helpless, looking at me for something. I don't lose myself like that. It all happened so fast, and I didn't even register what was happening in the moment, I was tired and she was so pathetic, about to cry and then she said something and—

GRIMM: I didn't hit her. I stopped, but we both understood what was happening a moment ago, what would happen, and Ichigo… I was so scared. 

GRIMM: I didn’t do anything, I left as soon as I could but I — _faster with every word —_ was terrified and I was angry and under it all I felt so betrayed. I acted just like, like—

_An exasperated exhale._

GRIMM: They poisoned me, Ichigo. They used me, they turned me into this, I— I was a child, I—

_Grimm looks up and sees Ichigo already looking right back at him, silently crying. Grimm lowers his gaze as Ichigo tentatively offers his arms — a hug. Just as slowly Grimm falls into it._

GRIMM: I don't know how it's meant to be. _His voice is muffled_ _by Ichigo's chest_ _and it's difficult to speak, but this is his culmination._

GRIMM: I have the anger and then I have their voices telling me that I'm weak, weak for not being able to hurt, and I don't want this but for fuck's sake, violence is the answer. It's the only fucking answer that reality listens to.

_The strange concept of being hit for the last time. What makes the change? Something impossible to ignore, unlike a gentle plea to stop._

ICHIGO: You’re not wrong for this, Grimm… It's terrible in theory, but that is often what decides. Makes a change. Leaves a trace. 

GRIMM: But I don’t want them to die!

_Hugging closer, letting it out. Ichigo leans his head on top of Grimm’s._

ICHIGO: You don't have to. You… 

ICHIGO: You are not them. You are just not them and you don't have to be. It’s not a weakness, it’s okay. It’s… okay.

_A pause._

ICHIGO: Grimm, you are alive and you have yourself, that is all that matters now. You will make it because you want to make it.

_Lifting his head Ichigo takes Grimm by the shoulders and looks him in the eye._

ICHIGO: Grimm, you survived.

GRIMM: I… 

_Replying through eye contact, and what a gaze that is. Teenage years are extra hell for the strength of emotions, for their absolution._

GRIMM: I just wish you stayed. 

_Too big, too unequal and too willing, unknowingly, to be retraumatized. Ichigo lets go of Grimm._

ICHIGO: You know I can't. This is not my place. 

_Their story starts out of love: Ichigo meets Grimm and instinctively tries to protect him. He sees his younger self in Grimm’s vulnerability, longs to convince him that there is a reason to move forward._ _To Grimm, there's never been anyone this caring and kind, and the storm of emotions promises that there never will be. It is the first time Grimm ever feels attraction: it's another man who sees him as a man. It backfires for both of them._

_It is terrifying to admit adoration, embarrassing and humiliating to go at it with a history of abuse. It is painful to say "no" knowing that the reasons for it will be misinterpreted, seeing the pain as a consequence of your help.  
_

_So Ichigo is sitting in front of a teenager, a teenager that would throw up his heart for him. This desire for love, Ichigo knows, comes from the lack of it in other areas. Love equals safety, love seems a cure, love is acceptance and love is a chance to be yourself._ _Despite how special Ichigo's treatment seems to Grimm, the object of affection is secondary. It is an internal working, Grimm's plea._

_"Just let me give you this, let me share this love. Let me show you that I can love, that there's more to me than pain and anger."_

ICHIGO: And I have someone waiting for me.

 _The final nail in the coffin._ _A silence, Grimm turning to look ahead at nothing in particular._

_What a sad way to go, not even having anyone to blame for the pain._

GRIMM: It’s lonely.

ICHIGO: It gets easier to bear, I promise.

_  
_

GRIMM: Does fuck all now.

_Sigh. Grimm is rubbing his eyes, most of the immediate emotion is burned off. Ichigo wants to put a hand on his shoulder as a comforting gesture but doesn’t dare. Both look at the sunset in silence._

END


End file.
